5 Reasons to Find a Mentor when Recovering from Pornography Addiction

In this post, I will explain the importance of having a mentor during recovery. Had it not been for my mentor who confronted me about watching porn at the age of 20 I don't know if I'd be writing these words today.

Before I get into the five reasons why you must have a mentor, I'll start by sharing my story with you. It was 2009, and I was a sophomore in college at the height of my addiction. My days consisted of struggling through my computer science curriculum, working two jobs, and constantly relapsing from the stress. No one knew about this but God and I. I had not planned to tell anyone either. This may sound normal to most people who have struggled with this, and it probably is the norm, but something different began to happen in me around that time. I started to feel different about the habit. For some reason, I felt like I couldn't keep this up. I ended up getting involved in an organization on campus at my college, and as a result of that, I was paired up with a male mentor. At that time, I didn't know it, but that relationship would change my perspective on porn and my life forever.

My mentor and I met weekly to talk about the objectives of our organization and also about my overall well-being. He was concerned with how I was doing both mentally and spiritually. Our relationship grew over time, and one day, when we met up, he looked at me and asked plainly: "Do you watch pornography?" I slowly and shamefully nodded. Yes, I do. From that point forward, we began to have open and honest conversations about how porn was affecting my life. As our conversations about the subject grew deeper, he eventually asked me: "Do you believe that you're addicted to pornography?"

To be honest, at the time, I had never considered myself to be an addict. What did that mean anyway? Questions popped into my head like, "If you watch it twice in one year, does that make you addicted?" If so, then I'm definitely addicted because I was watching way more than twice in one year, but what about the person who does? What does that make them? How often do you have to watch it to be considered an addict? We ended that conversation without me having an answer for him. I took time to think about it, but my mind resisted even considering it. Something is sobering about having admitting you out of control, and I was not ready to admit that yet. So when he first posed the question, I could not accept that the answer might be yes, but the more I observed my behavior, the more I became convinced that I had a serious problem and that I might be addicted.

It completely sank in when I sat alone in my dorm room one day. I was stressed from the pressure of classes, exams, work, and everything else I had going on. The thought of visiting a porn site entered my mind, and I was fighting it. I spent 20 minutes fighting the urge to log on to my computer, but in the process, it felt like I was trying to tear down a steel wall with a hammer. My mind was trapped in a room with only one open door, and that door led to a relapse. I remember feeling powerless as my hands slowly moved towards the keyboard to begin my search. I began to cry. At that moment, I realized that the truth is I am an addict; there is nothing I can do to overcome this using my strength. I need help, and help is exactly what I got from my mentor over the next eight years. His impact on that area of my life helped to completely shift me in another direction. I'm not sure how far I would have fallen into my addiction had he not confronted me about it. I am so grateful that he cared enough to confront me and help me become who I am today.

Now that you know my story, I will list the benefits I received from my relationship with my mentor. Once you find the right mentor, you can also take advantage of these benefits.

Reason #1 - Real Accountability

Accountability isn't always comfortable, but it is necessary. Iron sharpens iron as one man sharpens another. Having a mentor will provide you with raw accountability. This means they should be someone who is not afraid to say things you don't want to hear. I'm talking about the type of accountability that hurts a little bit. You know someone who can gently tell you when you're wrong and help you do a course correction.

Reason #2 - True Vision

Over time, your mentor will come to know you very well. This means they'll be able to tell when you're lying. They'll also be able to see things in you that need to change, even when you can't see them. I call this true vision. My mentor knew so much about me that he could link traumatic events from my past to the current circumstances I was in. He saw things in me I couldn't see.

Reason #3 - Access to Resources

If you've chosen a mentor who knows people who have gone through this struggle or are in a period of sobriety themselves, they are likely connected. My mentor was able to connect me with other people who were also seeking freedom from porn addiction, and he provided information I could use to educate myself on the effects of porn addiction. This played a critical role in my journey to recovery because I began to realize I was not alone in this struggle and that I needed to educate myself.

Reason #4 - Wisdom

No one knows everything. A mentor can help guide you into making decisions that will keep you on the road to sobriety. It's so easy to take a step in the wrong direction, but having someone watch your footsteps as you move toward recovery keeps you going in the right direction.

Reason #5 - A True Friend

Some things are priceless in life. I believe friendship is one of them. Our lives are full of superficial friendships—people with whom we have small talk and those with whom we just have fun without going deep. But you need that friend with whom you can go deep, especially if you are on the road to sobriety. There will be things that happen to you during this journey that will knock you on your butt. Having a friend to help bear that burden can enable you to get up quickly and move forward. You can develop a strong bond if you spend enough time with someone and are vulnerable during conversations. Don't underestimate the value of true friendship. Your mentor can become someone you grow to trust in any circumstance.

Find a mentor ASAP

Now that you've been educated on why you must have a mentor while in recovery, it's time to seek a mentor for yourself. You could start by checking out an SAA meeting in your city, connecting with someone at your local church, or talking to someone in your close circle of friends to see if they have also been through this struggle. I understand none of these options may work, so if you want more advice on finding a mentor, message me. If you liked this post, please share it on your social media!