Confronting your reality: How to recognize the signs of pornography addiction

In this post I will talk about what it means to confront your reality. This is the first step all of us have to take if we want to get on the road to sobriety. We all need to take a thorough look in the mirror and think about our lives and what has become of them due to pornography addiction if we are to get on the road to sobriety.

A part of confronting your reality is understanding some fundamental things about what makes someone a pornography addict. There are a lot of people who think I don’t watch this stuff every day. Just every now and then when I get stressed, or bored, or lonely. That leaves many people questioning if they really are "addicted" to pornography. Some people think being addicted means they can't live without it, or they picture a person who's strung out on drugs like meth or crack cocaine, but what does it really mean to be addicted? How can you know if you have an addiction? These are questions that many of us struggle to answer. Well, today we will help you find the answer to those questions. 

At the core of today's post, we'll be guiding you through answering the question: “Am I addicted to pornography?”.

In my previous post, I told you that my mentor confronted me about my addiction, and that led me on a 10-year journey through recovery. Now, that was just a summary of my story to provide context. In reality, my journey didn't start exactly like that.

It started with me asking myself if I was really addicted. I had to ask myself that because I really didn’t see it at the time. In my mind, porn was something hidden away in my closet that I pulled out from time to time when I needed it to feel relief. It wasn’t like I was watching it every day. That’s what a person with an addiction would do, I thought.

So after the initial confrontation I rejected the thought that I could be an addict. I thought about what my mentor asked me and said to myself: “Nah, I’m not that bad”. Then, one day during that same year, I found myself feeling exhausted and stressed after a full day of classes. I was trying my hardest in a class, but I was failing that class, and I knew that getting an F was going to cost me thousands of dollars in tuition loans if I had to retake it. As I lay down on the bed in my dorm room thinking about the situation I was in, my anxiety level continued to increase until I felt completely overwhelmed. That’s when the temptation that is oh so familiar began to creep up on me. I tried to convince myself not to do what I was thinking as I had always done. However, staring at my computer desk I felt the urge to log on and began looking for pornography. I tried again to reason myself out of that line of thinking, but I eventually succumbed to the temptation and it was at that moment that I realized I had a serious problem.

If we're being honest addiction is a topic shrouded in stigma, fear, and misunderstanding. Whether it’s an addiction to substances like drugs or alcohol, or behaviors like gambling, food, or technology, the word itself often evokes images of weakness, loss of control, and despair. But at the core of every recovery journey lies a crucial, transformative moment: the acknowledgment of the addiction itself. This moment, while challenging, is the most important step one can take on the path to healing.

What concerned me in that moment was that I had no control over my actions. It's like I was being fueled by another part of myself. Once I understood that I knew that I was an addict. I cried. I cried because I realized that I was powerless over this addiction. I knew I was powerless because I ended up doing the very thing that I did not want to do. The thing that I told myself not to do. The thing that I had vowed not to do. 

The truth is it didn’t matter that I told myself that I didn’t want to do this or that I felt that my willpower was strong enough to resist the temptation. The feelings of guilt weren't enough to pull me away from it. There were also negative consequences that I could see in my life as a result of my addiction, but that wasn't enough for me to quit. During that part of my life the addiction controlled me. I didn’t control it.

How can you know if you’re a addicted? Have you tried to limit your exposure to pornographic material? Tried to stop watching pornography, viewing pornographic photos, visiting strip clubs, and/or being a womanizer, but “something” keeps driving you back to strip clubs, clicking on pornographic photos, and/ or seeking 1-night stands, then you’re more than likely an addict. I reference physical interactions with other people because we have to remember that porn addiction is sex addiction. These are all signs of porn addiction and signs of sex addiction. With these things in mind it’s not hard to understand if you have an addiction. All you have to do is confront your reality. Your reality is what you know about yourself that no one else knows. It’s the real you. It’s the thoughts you have and things you watch when no one else is looking. It's the relationship problems you've run into due to your addiction. So who are you? That question can be answered by just observing your behavior. Remember our actions speak louder than our words. You say you want to stop, but you keep doing it? Why is that? The frequency that you do it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you know you shouldn’t do it. You say you don’t want to do it, but you keep returning. You’re addicted and the 1st step to getting free from your addiction is acknowledging that. 

"If you asked me to show you a man who is never going to change, what I’d show you is a man that can’t acknowledge his flaws. A man that can’t confront his reality and acknowledge who he is will never become the man he is supposed to be. "

I know because I was that unchanging man at one point in my life. That is, until I realized I can’t stop being addicted in my own power. I had to acknowledge that I am an addict. The moment I acknowledged that my life began to change and so can yours.

My advice to you is to stop kidding yourself and start confronting your reality. If you can relate to this story then learn from my mistakes. Don’t waste another hr/min/day deceiving yourself like I did. You have the power to change your mind. Our brains are malleable and can literally be rewired through our own effort, but it has to start with us admitting the truth about ourselves. Acknowledge that you have an addiction and that it is time for change. Acknowledging addiction is not easy. It requires courage, honesty, and a willingness to face uncomfortable truths. However, it is also the most empowering step you can take. It’s the beginning of a journey toward healing, self-discovery, and, ultimately, freedom. By recognizing and admitting that you have an addiction, you open the door to recovery, support, and a better, healthier life. So, take that step—acknowledge your addiction, and start your journey toward living your best life. A life free from the bondage of pornography addiction.

If you’d like to know more about how severe your addictions are, please take the SAST test. It will help you determine where you are on the spectrum of addictive behavior. I know it’s scary to acknowledge our flaws, but it's worth it.  There are also support groups out there that you can join hosted by non-profits like SAA. If you're not comfortable with either of those then seek out professional help in the form of a therapist or look into other mental health professionals that help people get and stay sober. Once you are free from being controlled by your addiction you will realize how much joy was missing from your life. I know because I’ve been through it. I hope this post helped someone. If you like this post but are not already a subscriber, please subscribe. If you think this content can help someone you know, please share. 

Thanks, and God bless.