How to Remain Hopeful When You Feel Stuck in Porn Addiction

Now that you've learned what it means to take the first step to sobriety, it's time for us to think about what it means to remain hopeful during our recovery journey. The sun rises to light up the Earth daily, and the Sun sets every day. We know that no matter how dark it gets on Earth, the Sun will always rise and bring us light, and just like the process of the Sun rising to give light and falling to bring darkness, there will be times when we feel hopeful in recovery and times where things get dark while in recovery, but just like the sunlight that shines through the cave into the darkness in the photo below, a light of hope will shine in your life when things get dark if you stay on the road to sobriety.

To begin with, I'm going to start by listing some statistics that show just how widespread porn use is in the U.S.A. Statistics show that 69% of American men view online porn each year, and 42% of American women view online porn each year, but you wouldn’t know that if you’re struggling with it yourself because most people want to keep it a secret. Another interesting statistic is that 93% of high school age boys have been exposed to pornography in some form. Now, let's think about something. Over 300 million people in America, 163 million of whom are men. That means over 80 million men and 70 million women watch porn each year in the U.S.A. That means that 7 out of every 10 men you pass by each day have watched porn at some point this year. It also means that 4 out of every 10 women you passed by have watched porn at some point this year. I list these stats not just to show you how prevalent porn addiction is, but also to show you that you're not alone in your struggle.

The interesting part is that even though porn use is prevalent in this country addiction is typically something men and women keep from those closest to them. This leaves those caught in their addictive cycle feeling isolated and lonely a lot of the time. I know from my own experience because I’ve listened to men share with me how they feel totally disconnected from anyone who actually cares about them. They talk about how no one close to them knows they struggle with porn addiction. If you understand the nature of addiction then you’ll understand that addiction thrives when you’re isolated and alone. It thrives because you’re easier to manipulate and draw in. Just being around family, going to work, or hanging out with friends doesn’t take the loneliness away because none of them really know what you’re going through when you’re alone in front of your computer, and no one is around. They don’t really know how you feel when you are isolated. They don’t understand how hard it is to break the cycle of addiction and how hopeless the fight can feel at times, but I do. 

I remember waking up one day after a pornography binge feeling like all hope was lost.  Even though I’d stayed up late playing video games and watching porn the night before I still had to go to work so I pulled myself out of bed and started my day. On my way to work the guilt and shame of what I had done the night before began to sink in and a thought came to me. Will I ever be free of this addiction? At that time, my honest answer was, “I don’t know.” I don’t know if it’s even possible to beat this porn habit. It was 2016 and it had been 6 years since I started my recovery journey. I was going to recovery groups, reading books, connecting with accountability partners, exercising,  praying to God for help, and was still relapsing quite frequently. It felt like I just couldn’t win. I had gotten down and depressed before after a relapse, but this was the first time I had felt hopeless. That morning on the way to work I began to convince myself that overcoming pornography addiction may not be possible. In the weeks following that day the thought of never beating this thing would come to me again after a relapse and again I’d feel hopeless. A lot of people would have given in after feeling that way. It was tempting, but I kept thinking about the man I wanted to become. Since I'm married, I thought about my wife and how she's supported me despite my struggles. I loved my wife too much not to try and fight. I recognized that my behavior was hurting her just as much as it was hurting me, and although I didn’t quite know how to heal, I knew that I had to keep trying different things because there was a possibility that something would “work”. I knew that the negative feelings I had wouldn't last forever. My mom used to say "it's a feeling it'll pass" when I'd cry when she punished me. She was right. As I held on to the possibility of a better future for myself, those feelings did pass, and eventually, I found out what worked for me.

There's a good chance that someone reading this is feeling stuck and defeated. Maybe you've tried a recovery program in the past, but they haven't worked. Maybe you're just starting to get on the road to sobriety and have had setbacks. Maybe you are reading this fresh off visiting porn sites. No matter where you are and where you're coming from I need you to know that there is still hope for you. There is a future in your life that doesn't include porn addiction. That’s what you need to know. No matter where you’re currently in your recovery journey there is a road to sobriety for you. The healthy habits you build are going to work if you refuse to give up. I know this because after that day of feeling hopeless I kept going. I kept building healthy habits, and then 2 years after feeling hopeless in 2016, I had a breakthrough moment of recovery that led to 1 year of sobriety for me. That was the longest period of sobriety I’d had since the day I started watching pornography. Eventually I eclipsed that record and reached 2 years of sobriety. Then 3 years of sobriety. Now I am approaching my 5th year of sobriety in November. I did this in a 10 year time span. Statistics show that it takes 2-5 years for someone to reach complete sobriety for porn addiction. I’ve acknowledged that there was a part of me that felt hopeless at times, but what I didn’t do was let despair consume me. You may feel beaten down by this addiction, if that’s the case I want you to know that your breakthrough moment is coming. Keep believing that you will be free one day. Keep practicing healthy habits like setting boundaries, eating nutritious foods, and exercising. Realize that you are not alone in this thing. There are literally millions of other people who want what you want and are fighting everyday to stay sober so that they can live their best life just like you. A lot of people give up, but that doesn't have to be you. If you want to be free, you can do so if you keep the spark of hope alive.  

All it takes is a little bit of faith to persevere. I once read a book by Victor Frankl, called  “Man's Search For Meaning", and he told a story about how he was arrested and placed in a concentration camp in Austria. Most of his family was tortured and murdered by German Nazi soldiers during the war, but Victor survived. When speaking about his survival he is quoted saying:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” - Victor Frankl

When walking the road to sobriety we have to choose to believe in a better future for ourselves. Even if we can’t see it. Even if it seems unreasonable given our circumstances and current habits. All things change with time. Building a mindset based on faith in the fact that you can overcome this addiction leads to positive change in your life and ultimately freedom. 

So how does someone remain hopeful when stuck in the cycle of porn addiction? Here are the key takeaways from my experience in recovery that explain how to stay hopeful when you feel stuck in porn addiction.

Read content that instills a sense of hope within you

You must hold on to hope when walking the road to sobriety. It’s the only way to reach those breakthrough moments I described. One way to remain hopeful is by reading content that inspires you and staying away from harmful and degrading content. Fill your mind with positive affirmations and encouraging words from people who believe in you. Remember the saying “you are what you eat”? Well the same applies to your thought life. Mentally you are what your mind consumes. So don’t spend hours and hours on YouTube or other social media and streaming services consuming mindless content. Use that time to feed your brain content that can aid you in your recovery. Not take away from it. 

Visualize where you will be once you're completely sober

You must also visualize what your life is going to look like when you’re free from porn addiction. This is important because without something visual it will be more difficult for your mind to know what it’s working towards. Our brains are prediction machines and thrive when we provide information that helps us predict where we should be heading. Modern artificial intelligence technology is modeled after this aspect of our brains, and you can see what it’s capable of. So start to imagine how much better you will feel about life once you’re completely sober. If the addiction saps your confidence, imagine yourself feeling more confident. Another good strategy for remaining hopeful is to develop a catch phrase that helps instill hope within you. One thing I used to say to myself after a relapse is “I’m not going to be struggling with this forever”. That’s all I had to say to remind myself that freedom is coming for me if I keep going. Guess what? Eventually it came. So, what should your catchphrase be? Think of something that sparks a feeling of resiliency. Take some time and think about what your catch phrase should be and give it a try. When you have slipped up, or you begin to feel hopeless, speak your catchphrase out loud to trigger a feeling of hope within yourself. When you say it, say it like you mean it! Say it with belief. 

Join a support group

These groups exist for a reason. You can't go at it alone and expect to get anywhere quickly. The recovery process is not an easy one and you need people around you who understand what you're going through. People that can relate to you and not judge you. You'll find that and more at a support group.

Talk to God

Talking to God is a critical part of staying hopeful. It's something I've practiced throughout my recovery and still practice to this day on a daily basis. It will produce hopefulness if we do the following:

1. Surrendering Control

Addiction often involves a sense of powerlessness over our behavior. Recognition of God can help you accept that you cannot control everything by yourself. Surrendering in this way allows you to let go of the need to "fix" things on your own, making room for God to step in and take control. Because truthfully we can't fix every problem in our lives. There are some things that we must accept are out of our control. When you're able to place your hope in God it removes the pressure and weight of feeling like it's all on you.

2. Believe

For many, addiction recovery is not just about physical abstinence but also spiritual growth. Belief in God provides hope because you know that you are connected to something greater than yourself. We're not bigger than God. If we believe in someone who has all the power, it's ok for us to be powerless. Knowing that we have support from the God of the universe is a source of strength during difficult times.

3. Letting Go of Our Ego and Avoiding Isolation

Addiction is sometimes driven by self-centeredness, ego, and isolation. Acknowledging God shifts focus away from yourself. It forces us to depend on something outside of ourselves which removes the pressure of feeling like we have to figure it out all alone. The good news is that even if you're faced with a situation where you're forced to be separated from those that love you God is still there. He'll never leave you or forsake you. That fact provides a sense of hope to those in recovery.

4. Accountability and Moral Guidance

The concept of a higher power often implies moral and ethical guidelines. Porn corrupts our moral consciousness and redefines what we perceive as the right thing. Talking to God can help individuals align their behavior with a greater sense of right and wrong since God has clearly described how we should live. Realizing that God is good and that good things come from God makes it easier to walk through recovery with hope knowing that good things are supposed to happen to you.

While belief in a higher power is important for many, it is worth noting that recovery programs for some support groups are adaptable to different belief systems, including non-religious or secular perspectives. Some people interpret a higher power as their own inner strength, the recovery community, or even the universe, making the concept flexible to fit personal beliefs. I believe in Jesus Christ so my hope comes from him.

Listen to motivational speakers

I really can't say enough about this tip. Recovery is all about personal development. Although I talk about walking through these steps that I've gone through as if it's some formulated process the truth is it's all about becoming the best version of yourself. Motivational speakers can help you do that. The best ones are people who have had challenging lives, like most of us in recovery. Their stories will inspire you to never lose hope. They'll contribute to a shift in your mindset where you'll be more focused on the process as opposed to the mistakes you've made.

I believe motivational speakers can help you in the following ways

1. Inspiration and Hope

Motivational speakers, especially those who have personally experienced addiction, can inspire us by showing that long-term recovery is possible. Hearing real-life success stories helps individuals realize that change and growth are achievable, giving them hope for their recovery.

2. Encouragement and Resilience

Recovery from addiction often involves setbacks and challenges. Listen to motivational talks emphasizing perseverance, resilience, and the ability to overcome obstacles. The messages remind us that failure or difficulty is part of the process and encourages us to keep going despite hardships. Remember, every failed attempt is a chance for you to grow and learn. Remember, the time period between right now and your last relapse is not important. What's important is that you keep going down the road to sobriety until you reach a turning point in your mindset or breakthrough moment of recovery.

3. Positive Mindset and Focus

A motivational speaker can help individuals shift their mindset from focusing on problems to focusing on solutions and positive outcomes. They often talk about the power of positive thinking, self-belief, and the importance of maintaining a healthy, forward-thinking outlook, which can help us stay focused on our recovery goals.

4. Tools and Strategies for Success

Many motivational speakers provide practical advice, techniques, and strategies for personal development. These tools,  managing emotions and building self-discipline are valuable for recovering addicts trying to maintain sobriety and navigate everyday life.

5. Building Confidence and Self-Worth

Addiction often leaves us feeling defeated or lacking in self-worth. Motivational speakers address the importance of self-love, self-respect, and rebuilding confidence. By promoting personal empowerment, they help us feel capable of reclaiming our lives, making better choices, and taking control of our future.

Motivational speakers can serve as a source of guidance, empowerment, and emotional support for those in recovery, reinforcing the belief that positive change is possible and worth the effort.